Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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