Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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