so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
