Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Nicole vs. Life
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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