It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
