My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
