He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
