i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
