i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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