I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
