i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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