Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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