she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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