He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
