I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
