I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
