Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
