I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
