So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
