What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
