Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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