Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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