he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So much rum. So many feels.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
