I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
