did you get engaged???
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Randomize
