did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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