I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
