carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There's always time for handjobs
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This can only be settled by a dance off.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
