he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
