How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize