So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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