i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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