I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
