the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
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Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
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Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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