12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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