Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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