Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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