It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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