A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
