you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
