The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
