god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
