so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
