I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
