96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The beer is more important than you right now.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
