I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
