They should really pass out barf bags in church
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize