I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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