Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
