Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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