My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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