stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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