im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
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Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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