Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
