I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
