I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
