I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
