you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
