I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It's Friday. Sex?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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