If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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