i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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