Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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