apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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