yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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