playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
