WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
