you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
