you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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