I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
