Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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