Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
