Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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