Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
