omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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