Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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