I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
