so that wasnt chicken after all
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
