Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
