So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm passing your future prison.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
