oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
